One of the key indicators that someone isn’t real is uniformity of behavior with nonconspecifics. When a rubber ball bounces and a feather does too, that’s not a real feather. The easy way to identify people who aren’t real is the visceral reaction they elicit. Identifying people who aren’t real at a distance doesn’t allow for that immediate, infallible test. Perception of the world at some level is a requirement for operation in it. There’s a scale where function within a standard deviation is not attractive of external intervention. It’s only necessary to remain within standard range when interacting with people who are real, people who aren’t real can be discounted. Let’s back up.

I had a client who was based out of a coworking space in NYC. They wanted an in person meeting. I didn’t. Travel and accommodation reimbursement was proffered on top of existing remuneration. So I took an Amtrak in. I couldn’t take a flight because something has currently broken airports and I haven’t come up with a way to address that yet. That’s how I spent a day in a WeWork. As a result I had to read about WeWork. No one within that narrative demonstrated behavior of a real person.

Blanket observations follow. The business, the “invention” of the founder was not in any way novel. Success was a product of the same things which always yield success, contacts, charm, and confidence, paired with conceit on the part of the investor(s). It was funny that for all the talk of alcohol and pot, there was no mention of the abuse of stimulants. The omission was so glaring that it’s hard to chalk it up to anything other than a tacit agreement between the author and someone’s lawyers. At least plenty of office furniture sellers made a few bucks though.

As a story the whole saga was interesting enough, even if all the characters were exclusively the most eye roll inducing producers of odorless shit. My favorite examples are Adam hiring respected surfers specifically to shield himself from the mocking disdain of people who actually paddle out and wait for a good wave while being towed out via jet ski all to ride as many waves as possible without being fatigued and Rebekah doing exactly what every delusional un-schooling single mother would if provided an inexhaustible budget.

I think the most interesting part was my learning how the founders of an objectively failed start-up, profit, and how much of a gonzo parody it is of someone trying to open a café. If I wanted to open a coffee shop I’d head to a bank (after my lobotomy of course) and pitch for a loan. Money in hand, I open for business and try to net enough profit to both operate, live, and cover my loan payments. If I want to “disrupt caffeine delivery and toast” I convince the friend of a friend’s hedge fund manager that I have a billion dollar idea. They publicly agree, and give me a hundred million dollars. I pocket some cash and some stock right away, and then sell more stock based on their public assessment that I’m a genius. Then, before anyone admits they’ve made a terrible mistake I sell as much of my personal stock as I can manage. The cycle repeats several times with the plan that eventually stock will be sold to the public. This will either prove out the hedge fund valuation, or let the little with retirements managed by a hedge fund down.

Apparently there’s a story about some blood testing company that’s tangentially related, only some of them went to jail. Now I have to read that, which sucks. I want to read about animals.