March 23 2020

I keep trying to like sketchbooks. They’re so convenient. I can’t stomach paying for one with 300 gsm cotton paper though. I suppose I could not use every page but that’s just wrong isn’t it? And we mustn’t do wrong.

March 20 2020

I don’t know why exactly it became common for healthcare workers to post self portraits of themselves after wearing PPE all day. They’re interesting, but does make me wonder if they weren’t wearing PPE all day prior to this.

March 18 2020

Plagues and pandemics make for excellent reading. Accounts of yellow fever are by far the more gruesome. I’m very aware that the 1918 influenza pandemic is more apt, but somehow it’s just not. The world is different.

Pale Horse

I didn’t realize for a long time, like way longer than your might think, that not everyone heard voices. I mean, you’d think I would have picked up on that. Like, I knew that I could hear mine, and other people couldn’t, but it never occurred to me that other people didn’t have their own that they could hear and I couldn’t.

I don’t talk about my voices. I mean, I admit to them, but I don’t talk about what they say. That’s over now. I get very upset by what I hear which is weird ‘cause I don’t think other people would be upset by hearing the same things.

One voice I hear pretty clearly. It’s generally asking me questions. It asks me about horses fairly regularly. “What about the horses?” This is very annoying. It’s not very upsetting. The other voice is not very clear. It says things like “no” and my name a lot. It says a lot of other things I don’t really catch, like I hear it but not quite. Like, I want to ask it to repeat itself but I think that’s the idea, so I don’t.

The second voice is very upsetting. It’s distracting, it makes me feel panicky and raises my heart rate to where I can feel it so I get to worrying if I’m going to have problems with my heart again which makes me more upset.

Here’s a horse.
Here’s a pale horse.