T’was the night before x-mas and-nope, #fuckthisshit we’re not doing poems don’t think about it!

Look, I get that this hellsite is anything but, the holiday spirit’s stuck in a rut.

It’s the night before twitmas So ready yourself for tweets from twats who can’t help themselves.

Bae caught me sleeping with elf on his shelf in this influencer nightmare of paid-add-self-help.

My tweets are all crafted with care and precision the better to garner public recognition.

Give me likes and retweet’s that I care for deeply, but shut up about Rowling, the net mutters weakly.

The truth is I am as important as shit, and this little holiday, who cares about it?

But do remember that shit is just waste, so leave this in the toilet, and flush it post-haste.